Sit ready, my friends, sit ready.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I like to think of myself as someone who is a "believer" in climate change, and someone who makes the right choices and takes the right actions to support that belief.

The fact of the matter is, I'm a fake.  I'm bullshitting myself.  I'm letting myself off the hook.  I have been telling myself that I know that climate change exists, and it's a problem, and I've changed my light bulbs to CFLs and rode my bike to work some (last year), so I'm doing what I can.  This problem is just so much bigger than me, what can I do?  Nobody else gives a shit.  It's inevitable.  I'll just go look at Pinterest.  Maybe play a game.  Read a book.  Work late.  Eat too much.  Stare at reality television.  Distract myself.

I am the problem.

I have been passively sitting by, pretending my hands are tied, feeling hopeless. Powerless.

While I'm doing that, what haven't I been doing?  Making changes.  Speaking up.  Participating in the process, engaging with all levels of our government.  Holding them accountable.  The fact is, I do have power - the power of my voice.  The power of my actions.  The power of my life.

I am right - my power is not enough.  But maybe my power can get someone else to take action too.  And maybe if they can get someone... Maybe eventually there will be enough power.

I have been sleepwalking.  We are all sleepwalking together. 
 
Today I am stirring.  I am realizing that I can use my voice to try to wake people up... But...  It requires something hard.  It requires work.  It requires commitment.  It requires that I stop letting myself off the hook.  I have to take ownership of my power.  I have to take action.

I have to take (gasp!) personal responsibility.

It's easier to look away, to ignore the problem.  It's easier to be helpless.  John said "it's not going to change until people are uncomfortable."  

Is that it?  Is that what is needed? I have a question for you.

How uncomfortable are the people who lost everything in the wildfires that spread across the western half of America?

How uncomfortable are the farmers whose crops are withering on the vine because there is no rain (not uncomfortable enough, with government subsidies, maybe)?

How uncomfortable are the cattlemen, who are having to slaughter and sell their cows (beef is cheap right now, my friends!) because they can't provide them with food?

When is it enough?

Your house didn't burn.  You're not a farmer or a cattleman. When the produce shelves are empty and food prices are so high you can't afford to feed your kids, is that when you'll be uncomfortable?

Think about something for me.  What are you doing with your power?

...Oh, your reality show is coming on right now?

Maybe later?



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I'm going to the Climate Leadership training in California next month and would love the opportunity to give the climate presentation to your group after I'm trained.  Leave a comment with your contact information if you are interested.

In the meantime, I recommend you read this piece, join 350.org & the Climate Reality Project and use your power.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I Double Dare You

by Pavi Mehta

the edges of things are always deceptive.

because we are taught to believe

in endings and beginnings.

but the truth is:

There Are No Borders.

and all boundaries are lines

drawn in the imagination

(like the equator)

people like to put things

in their places.

(we believe in belonging

somewhere)

this is the problem with

poetry-

(it does not understand

belonging)

and it will not be put in place.

with crayons on paper maybe

but who can live life strictly

inside-the-lines?

the color of countries that

cannot be contained

in cliches where-

the red of your heart spills

into the red of the rose spills

into the red of the sunset spills

into mehendi on the hands of a bride.

and who can explain these things?

but what i want to know is simple:

who settled the sky on top of the mountain

and who drew the restless margins of the sea?

everything flows into everything

else.

like a picture drawn without once

lifting pencil from paper;

this world.

now tell me the story of your life

(whoever you are) go on

i Double Dare you!

tell me the story of your life

without once touching

mine.

There is no answer

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I read a lot of things that people might call "self-help."  I look constantly for answers, for solutions, for the fix that I know must exist, I just haven't found it yet.  I want to fix it.  I am a "fixer".  "Restorative." I want to fix myself.  I want to fix my Dad.  I want to fix the world.  If I just do more, do better, work faster, be smarter, be nicer, give more... I know it is right *there*.  If only I could be... enough.

My Dad is dying.  He was dying yesterday, last week, a year ago, ten years ago.  He was dying the day that I came into this world.  Today his death feels imminent.  Today, we learned that his multiple myeloma has evolved into a much rarer and much more aggressive form.  There is, and will be, no "prognosis;" just things for them to try.  More, newer, and different drugs.  The cancer is so unusual that statistics do not exist.  In the end "statistics" are nothing more than a fallacy; a straw to clutch.  A delusion of control. 

I am afraid of losing him.  I am losing him.

Since my company is in the same town that he is, I am torn with conflict.  I could live in San Antonio and continue to be employed by my current employer.  I have more choices than I wish I did.  Choice is both a blessing and a burden.

Do I move in with him to care for him, to encourage him?  He seems to feed off me, to try harder, be more pliable, give more with my encouragement.  The second I withdraw the push, he reclines to the point of seeming to concede to death.  Do I give all of my energy to him, to try to bring his energy up?  In the end, would it make a difference?  Would he be happier as a result, or would he gradually begrudge my efforts, as he does others who are more near at hand (Han, his wife, and Julie, my sister)?  Could I survive the drain of giving, without a price of slowly turning into something terrible and bitter?  I have given my energy for his for just a few short weeks, and felt my soul dying in the process.

I want him to be as healthy and happy as he can be.  Should I be giving my young, relatively unattached life to what remains of his?  Would it be for a month?  Three months?  A year?  Three years?  Would my family, home in Virginia, survive the strain?  Would they support me, or become another thing that falls apart in the process?

There is no answer.  There is no "right choice" that will let me sleep at night at the end of this journey.

Let me hold, and uphold, each fragile day in grace.  Let me bring peace and love to my father, to my sister, and to myself.  Let me become a place of calm amidst this fearful, deadly storm called life.  If only I can do this.  Please.
Amen.

ADVENTURE! Hot Glass Day Pack

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Hello multitudes of worldwide readers (ha!),

In my last post I talked about picking my 2012 theme, "ADVENTURE."  Today I will get to have an adventure, so I thought I'd give you a sneak peek.  It is a "Hot Glass Day Pack" class at the Jacksonville Center for the Arts.  I've always been interested in the courses offered at JAX, but they seemed pretty pricey and a bit indulgent for just another fickle crafting experiment.  When Groupons pop up that enable me to take full advantage at half the cost?  I'm all over it!

Here is the description of the class I'll be taking this afternoon (lifted verbatim from the JAX site):

 "Fire up your day in the Jax glass studio! Learn how to control hot, dripping glass to create beautiful and funky beads with all the colors of the rainbow. Each participant will learn about different kinds of glass used in hot glass production, especially soft glass and its special requirements, and will produce several beads using soft glass supplied by the center."

I'm pretty excited to check it out (and a little nervous about working with a heat torch).

I'll do a post-class show and tell update later... Stay tuned!

2012: Adventure

Monday, February 6, 2012

I've decided that my 2012 theme word is going to be "adventure". It's trending that way already, in both good and occasionally trying ways.

I've taken 4 plane trips in January, two for fun and two for work. Through some awesome Groupon discounts and my own sense of adventure I've signed up to try belly-dancing, pottery making (in a couple of months), glass bead making (late February), and blacksmithing (this fall).

I have to think a bit and see what other adventures I can get myself into! Suggestions (always) welcome.

The Happiness Project

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I'd been curious about the book The Happiness Project whenever I saw it on bookstore shelves, and when my sister commented on it and posted about it, my interest was piqued enough that I picked up a copy on one of my recent trips.  I finally just turned the last page on a (yet another) flight this afternoon.  There was a lot there that I want to absorb, enough so that I think I'd like to re-read the book, and possibly underline or highlight a few passages.

I was inspired enough to begin drafting my own version of the "commandments" (overarching rules that you try to apply to your own life and believe in as core truths).  Here is the list that I've come up with so far:

Cynthia's Commandments:

• Choose experiences, not things.
• If something someone else does makes you uncomfortable, think about whether that is because they hit your weak/shame spots.
• If you're tempted to criticize, think about what it is you want and question its legitimacy.
• Don't be subversive or passive-aggressive. Be open and talk about what you need.
• Embody grace.
• Remember that fear is often the underlying emotion behind things you don't want to do. Give yourself permission to do badly.
• Give yourself and others space and compassion.
• Stick with it - everyone struggles in the beginning.
• Experiment.
• It's not about you.
• Release the need to control and attachment to outcomes.
• Don't let perfect be the enemy of good - or use being short of perfect as an excuse to quit.

I'm sure there will be more, but these felt like a good start.

________________________________________________
Additions:

• Talk to strangers.
• Never behave worse in a situation that creates a perception of anonymity (driving, on the internet, etc.) than you would in person.