I've got chaos on the brain. Thinking about midsummer and the cusp between perfect verdant, beautiful, restrained growth and wild, dangerous, savage tangled overgrowth.
Thinking about concepts of fairies and brownies and Pan and Puck... Wild things on the edges. Things that seem innocent and sweet, and then, when the light is right (wrong?) fall under a darker shadow of mischief, toward mayhem.
Pondering chaos, wild things and our own wild edges.
Here's another one I've been holding on to for a week or so... I'm tired of waiting for it to fully bake, I'm going to start this one off and come back to it later as I may have more to say.
I posted this much in a comment on my sister's blog, and maybe it is enough:
I am finally relaxing into my life. And today, a beautiful day, as I was driving toward a graveyard and thinking about death, I realized that when that comes I will relax into it also. I am not feeling "losing control" as often any more, more often I am feeling "letting go of control;" what a wonderful feeling.
Let go!
On a separate (but seemingly related) note... I have taken to defining a theme for my year. I read last year about the woman who was going to live the "Woman Of A Certain Age" year, and was inspired. Of course, now I can't find that post, but in my search I did find this lovely and beautifully written one which I very much appreciated instead.*
Anywho... What I was going to say is, I have always liked this idea but never seemed to fully "feel" a theme for my years until this one. My theme this year... This is my year of being POWERFUL! In all the best and positive ways that can manifest itself. To me it means, taking control, taking action, focusing my attention, and bringing things to life from the energy I have to offer. Power to the people, and the people is me!
Go. Do. Love and blessings.
*Post-note: I found it, of course, when I wasn't looking.
Life isn't perfect, and neither am I! I have this voice in my head saying I should wait to write this until I have a perfectly composed post, organized thoughts, meaningful and specific things to say. I've waited for that day before and I find that it never comes... Instead the doubt and judgment manifest themselves as long absences from being present and sharing the jumbled mess that I actually am. No more!
Here's a quick, messy, placeholder of a post (and, just to let you know, I have another one coming right up, but slightly more interesting, according to my inner judge).
I'm in the Master Gardener program through the Virginia Cooperative Extension. I am loving it. I am learning more than I remembered that I could learn in three hours. I want to know more. I'm really bad about reading my homework beforehand, I just show up and absorb. But that's good enough for now - the papers will be there when I am ready for them later.
The first class was Botany - a fantastic subject taught by an amazing dynamic man named Dr. Alan McDaniel. What a fantastic teacher! He taught us about the magnificence and miraculous nature of plants... too much, too much! They amaze me.
The second class was Pesticides... Don't use them... they scare me. If you have to choose them, choose "Caution" on the label (least damaging) and AVOID at all costs "DANGER" or (worst of all) "DANGER: POISON" with the skull and crossbones. Wear plastic unlined gloves (is "unlined" the best way to say, not those fancy plastic gloves with the nice, cushy, absorbent-of-all-things-harmful fabric or feltish lining?). Just say no.
The third class was propagation. More plant amazingness. Grafting, layering, so much, so many ways for a plant to survive and thrive.
So much. I love it! This year is amazing already.
So much going on lately!! I know, I know, I haven't posted in forever.
John and I went to a beekeeping class yesterday, and today I ordered two packages of bees...! They should be here around the beginning of May. We still need to put our order in for the hives, but we have a bit of time on getting all that together (albeit not too much). We have a fairly large back yard, and are going to set the hives up near the back fence. They'll be a good 100'+ or so from the edge of our back deck, and not too near any of our neighbors, which is probably good!
I'm starting to think about this year's garden. Last year I didn't start anything from seed, but still kept the garden going with a variety of plants bought at various sources. Last years' garden included 32 tomato plants (yes, possibly a few too many), zucchini, yellow squash, cucumbers, chard, bell peppers, various basil varieties, and two new additions - sweet potatoes and cantaloupe. Both were so easy to grow I don't know why we didn't grow them sooner!
This year's garden plan includes Cantaloupe again, tomatoes, sugar snap peas, winter and summer squash, bell peppers, sweet potatoes, chard, cucumbers, green beans, turnips, cabbage, leek, carrots, and brussels sprouts. Well, that's the untrimmed list! I'm just opening up GrowVeg to plot out the space to see what we will and won't have room for. :)
I've looked at Craftster a lot in the past, but never really took the time to become an active participant on the site. I was searching for crafts online and came across a bunch of CRAFTY SWAPS happening, and I got so excited to participate that I finally decided to sign up! And then (insert dramatic "Dun dun DUN..." here), I found out that you have to do 10 posts before they'll allow you to post pictures there, and have posted 15 times to participate in a swap! UGH! I mean... I get it, I really do, but what am I supposed to post about without pictures?! So, I'm going to use this site for the picture hosting, so that I can get some posts under way. Luckily I have a few handy crafts I've already done that I can post about. Here are the snaps!
The voices in my head are constant. It's the voice my mother passed on to me. I remember getting out the ironing board, ironing for the first time on my own. I was so proud of myself, thinking I was doing a good thing, doing it on my own. Then, my mother. "You're doing it wrong." Offering to help cook, in the kitchen chopping vegetables. "Oh! You are SO SLOW! Give me the knife." And on, and on.
I know my mother only passed these voices on because she heard the same inner critic. Every meal she made, she'd find fault with, no matter how wonderful. "How is it?" "Delicious!" "Oh, well, the brisket is a little dry, I overcooked it." Nothing was ever as good as she wanted it to be, whether it was herself or anyone else. I'm sure these traits were passed down to her as well.
You're not doing it right. This is largely how I communicate to anyone that I'm around on any consistent basis. You're not doing it right. You're not driving fast enough, slow enough, straight enough. You're not folding the right way. You're not.... Insert the rest here. I am hyper critical. I don't know if the people who have experienced this know, but this is the same dialog that is constantly going on inside my own head. "That's wrong." "You shouldn't even bother trying, it's not good enough." "You're doing it wrong." Driving, laundry, life. "You're doing it wrong." Basically... "You should be better. You're not good enough."
I am going to work to quell these voices, both to myself and to others. I will work to fill my heart with love, with patience, with forgiveness, for myself and for everyone else.
You know what? You're doing it just fine. It is exactly as it should be. And, since I probably forgot to say it (post-note: because surely I am DOING IT WRONG! There's that nasty voice!)... Thank you so much, I really appreciate you!!!
So, I know I've been MIA in the Meatless Monday world lately. When it is so wicked cold and windy outside, I just want to come in and hibernate!! I've been taking the "easy out" strategy - making a huge vat of soup on Sunday that we can then live on all week. John doesn't seem to mind (too much), and the soups are pretty tasty. This is one of the few "just go and make something, no recipe needed" areas I'm comfortable in. I just figured out that my basic Vegetable Soup follows a pretty simple system that anyone could use!
1-2-3 Vegetable Soup
Get together the following, add the base (detailed below), and you've got an awesome soup!
1. Pick one of these*:
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